just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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