Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
