i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
