I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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