no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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