I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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