I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
