38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
