i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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