Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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