Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just high enough for therapy.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
