Your face is a jimmy john
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
