therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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