I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
