Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
