On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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