he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
