It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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