i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize
