and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
