every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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