He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
My pussy is not your playground.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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