Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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