Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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