Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
