ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
