She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
