Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
