So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
