The maid of honor just puked.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
