you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
