he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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