If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
