Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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