u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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