Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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