Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
