I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
