Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
