so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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