At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
