your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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