Umm I'm too high to move.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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