no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
