I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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