Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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