She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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