I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
