i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
