I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
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