if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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