you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
