forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
