I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
