I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
