I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
