i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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