Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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