all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
