hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
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possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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