"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
