Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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