I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
bring money and cleavage
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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