Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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