True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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