we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
