so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
