So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
