"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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