Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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