Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
