ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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