We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Just high enough for therapy.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
